Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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