Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
