Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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