Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
