A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
