Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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