Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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