Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
