Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
