why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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