Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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