Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just had sex on a roof
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
