waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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