if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
be right there i have to get my cape
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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