She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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