thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
