I could have mohawked her pubes.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
