Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
