What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
