I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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