Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
