He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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