sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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