all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Randomize
