Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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