I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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