when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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