"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
