I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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