member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sext me about skeletons
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
