Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
