I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
