I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
PANTIES FOUND
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