FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
