Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
