I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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