i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
