before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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