just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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