The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
