So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
