what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
