i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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