You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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