im drinking this country out of the recession.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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