I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
