My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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