Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
