roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
