I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
