with your own penis?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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