Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
