I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
