i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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