Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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